Confessions of a Theatre Snob

Saturday, July 30, 2011

The Curse of Debbie Harry

Ever since the time Cat fell down a flight of stairs whilst in the middle of a conversation about Debbie Harry, and sustained a badly sprained ankle, DH has been a bit of a watchword for disaster.

So when I leave the table in the Chinese restaurant to visit the facilities, down a flight of stairs, and Dean tosses the name at me, I respond that it doesn’t work on me. I get down the stairs safely, but coming back up, I catch the heel of my gold sandals* on the edge of a stair, and it comes off my foot. I think it’s just pulled the shoe off, a little like when you continue walking and leave your shoe behind because it’s stuck in a crack in the pavement. But no, the buckle is broken, and the strap is ripped apart in two places. It is now a broken shoe.

I hobble back to the table, clutching my shoe. I can still walk in them, but I’m going to the theatre. I may see actors. How can I see actors with a broken shoe?!

We have some time before the play starts, and not too far to walk, so we call in at the new M&Ms store in Leicester Square, where Cat offers me some fluffy slippers.

Dean points out that we can make it to Clarks on Regent Street. We do, but they have possibly the poorest selection of women’s shoes I’ve seen in a long time. We pop into Austin Reed. I ask for anything in a size 6 – only not pink! They only HAVE pink.

I have to give up. I can actually walk in my shoes. It’s just that it feels very noticeable. It doesn’t matter how many times I’m told no one is going to look at my feet.

We arrive at the theatre, and take our seats. The row in front of us is occupied by the cast of The Tempest, including Ralph Fiennes.

It’s a good job he can’t see my feet!

*I bought the shoes for the same event where Cat fell down the stairs and it was an effort to find the perfect pair. They’ve done good service, but it’s not going to be easy to replace them.

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Thursday, July 14, 2011

Run!

(Or, how I helped to save the Doctor)

(SPOILERS for the Punchdrunk Show, The Crash of the Elysium)

The first thing we're told to do is 'run!' Time is of the essence here. The spaceship Elysium has crashed nearby, and we are the only ones who can help.

We're divided into three groups, Patrol, Analysis and Technical, and given numbers, so I'm number 12, Patrol Group, and we have the dubious honour of leading the way into the crashed ship, with Captain Soloman leading us. Corporal Albright brings up the rear. We're all wearing bio-hazard suits, but many have rejected the face masks (I did try, but it wearing it made my glasses fog up!)

'Watch the shadows. And, whatever you do, don't blink'. The grainy video message is received from the Doctor, who warns us that the ship was carrying living art work, 'and some of the art has escaped'.

'Crouch down, and watch that door'. We do as we're instructed, half scared, half hoping that something is going to come through the door. It's dark, smoky, and lit mainly by torches. At times we're in total darkness.

The message from the Doctor tells us he's in terrible danger, and about to die. We have to try and save him. There's a lot of running, past ducts, and into the darkness. Through one door, a figure is covered with a piece of sacking. Capt. Solomon removes it and reveals what we all know to be a Weeping Angel. 'Keep looking at it', someone shouts. As we advance through the tunnels, finding more information, the Angels advance. We see them on the monitor. The youngest of our group, a boy of about 14, shouts 'the image of an angel becomes an angel! Don't look in the eyes, look at the body', and we do, no one wants to be caught. Through the light, the tunnels, the confusion, I'd swear those angels are advancing upon us, as we scramble forward.

Suddenly we stumble through a door and there's straw beneath our feet. We're no longer on the Elysium, but have been thrown back in time to a Victorian fairground on the same spot. We meet Dolly, a one time companion of the Doctor's who holds the key to the Tardis, and tells us that we can still save him, we just have to send the Tardis back to him.

First we have to find it, it's in one of the fairground displays. Curtains draw back, and the Tardis is revealed. putting the key in the lock will send to back to the Doctor - but with it gone, how are we to return to our own time?

And we still have to escape the Angels, who have followed us. More running, through mirrored corridors, images of Angels in the mirrors, crashing, bumping, finally breaking out into another room, where we use the energy we've absorbed as time travellers to turn the Angels to stone, and get us back to our own time.

Finally, a thank you letter from the Doctor. We've helped him now, and he may need us again. One day.

Fantastic!

(For anyone utterly confused)

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