Almost as if we were there

‘I feel as though I should have an inflatable daffodil!’

As the show starts, Cat’s comment sums it up really, for we are at Eurobeat - Almost Eurovision, and we’re in front row seats.

As we’d entered the theatre, we’d been asked to select a badge for our country of choice. I went for Italy*, as I’ll be there next week, Cat opted for Greece**, and Shona went for Estonia, as that’s where she is in her current novel, but felt she got a few odd looks. We then bought the flags of our adopted countries.

Before it begins, we have a video welcome from Sir Terry himself! Our lovely hosts , Sergei and Boyka*** enter, glamorously attired, and the contest begins.

Italy – first up (never a good position, I mutter), but a catchy and memorable little ditty. I cheer very loudly for my country, and wave my flag vigorously. So much so, that at one point, I nearly have Cat’s eye out.

Estonia – 3 boys in suits, though two of them don’t stay in them for long, and we realise why Shona was getting the funny looks. Very funny, very rude and I love it, my favourite of the night.

Iceland – A sub-Bjork singer and song, dressed as a glittery dalek

UK – a Jemini-esque duo (though more tuneful), complete with the Scooch head move that Cat learned last year.

Russia – a boy band in white spandex. No ice skater this time, but a song about an ice queen so it’s almost as good.

Ireland – (Johnny Logan eat your heart out), it’s every Irish ballad that won in the 90’s, complete with singalong ‘la la la’ chorus. As we all get enveloped in dry ice, I’m loving it.

Hungary – the only song in ‘original language’, complete with a performance in national dress

Greece – a homage to Sakis, in that this time the dress comes off. I cheer loudly in support of Cat’s country

Germany – German expressionism at it’s best (!) – mime, a balloon, a bell and a stuffed cat. Pretty similar to some authentic German entries.

Sweden – Abba-esque song about swapping partners. Echoes of Waterloo, but maybe the Abba tribute has been so overdone, there’s not much left to say.

Our hosts return, and tell us how to vote. It should be simple, but I’ve had wine, can’t quite cope with the fact that I’ve left my phone on in a theatre, and have been laughing too much to know what I’m doing. Eventually, with only 20 seconds left, I manage to send a text voting for Estonia, Ireland and Russia. Looking at the audience, I’m thinking that the female singers are going to have a tough time of it! We retire to the bar, more wine, and a giggle over the souvenir programme.

Returning, it’s time for the interval act, all about the wonderful country of Bosnia-Herzegovina, and the voting. We go over ‘live’ to each country, and have the usual spontaneous and witty banter.

Italy is the first to give their results. I can’t believe ‘we’ve’ given top marks to the UK, but my top three have all scored. As voting progresses, it starts to look like Hungary might be left with nul points, so when it receives some, we all cheer. The UK does much better than we ever do in reality, and comes middle table. As we get to the last results, it’s neck and neck between Russia and Estonia. It’s almost more exciting than the real thing! Finally, Estonia are announced as the winners, and the noise is deafening. This means we get a reprise! This time Toomas**** too takes his shirt off.

We leaving singing ‘Together again’, and also ‘Ti Amo’. We cross the road into Starters and Puds (an excellent concept) for a post-show supper. As we look at the wine list the waiter asks, ‘shouldn’t it be Bucks Fizz?’ We like him immediately!

*Yes, I know they left in a sulk a few years ago
**Ah, Sakis
*** Les Dennis and Mel Giedroyc, who frequently have trouble trying not to corpse
**** He has a ‘Vlog’ on the website. I recognise a lot of those stage doors!